Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
