how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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