Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
