I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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