just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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