nut hugger
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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