I wanna passion pit in your ass
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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