It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
