i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
