try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
