Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
