I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
