Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
