Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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