Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
