In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
barbara walters just said penis...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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