I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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