bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
