I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
