I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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