i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
