piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
