Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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