we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
