He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
