I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
