So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
