I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
