Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
