lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
