hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
