she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
