My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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