Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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