Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
