I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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