Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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