and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
