i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
