My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
