Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.

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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?

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(207): View more from Maine

He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!

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(845): View more from New York

You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.

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(785): View more from Kansas

you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it

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(309): View more from Illinois

Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".

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(505): View more from New Mexico

The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS

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(337): View more from Louisiana

well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.

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