Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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