I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
