drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
