I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Randomize