You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
