margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
