Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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