I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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