Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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