I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
