just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
