I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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