I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
