Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
