he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
