my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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