I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
