My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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