oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
