I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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