literally had 100 drinks last night.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
