he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
