I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I intend to get homeless drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Randomize
