hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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