Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
