i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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