And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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