I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
