Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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