the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
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I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
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Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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