BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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