You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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