dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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