do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
