Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
